Down the Rabbit Hole
East of the Ozarks
Sunny 46 Degrees
12:55 p.m.
From about the age of 25 until the age of 35, I was on a search to answer two specific questions:
- WHO the hell am I?
- WHAT the hell am I supposed to be doing with my life?
You might think there’s no reason for such “strong” language to describe these questions…but if you’ve ever experienced these unanswered questions inside of you, then that strong language is perhaps nowhere NEAR strong enough to describe the feeling in your body–when life is flying by and you feel like you don’t have a clue.
It seems that having no answer to the “what should I be DOING” question creates a lot of misery in a lot of humans…especially guys.
How is it that an intelligent person, educated and well-nurtured, can get to the age of 25, quite a few years into adulthood, and not have a clue about who he is?
This seems like a problem. It sure was for me! And from what I gather, it’s very common.
It took me 10 years to find the answers to my two questions because, for the first nine years, I didn’t even understand the nature of the “search.”
And without that, you’re screwed.
In earlier times and civilizations, there were rites of passage and sacred initiations that would open the doors to the light for beings on this journey…to help them develop a deeper understanding of themselves.
I just had school and church, which do the opposite.
For 9 of those 10 years of my search, I thought there was something “out there” to find. I wanted answers, I didn’t have them, so obviously, they must be “out there” waiting for me to locate them.
The fact is this:
I was carrying the answers, but I had no access to them.
They were not lost, I WAS.
This journey is not about looking for something that’s half way across the world hidden under a rock somewhere or lurking on the other side of an ayahuasca ceremony or psychedelic trip.
The journey is really about opening a space within you, so that you can truly see what is inside.
- For some, time is required before this space can be opened.
- For others, it takes trauma or tragedy or something at that level.
- For many, they carry this around, unopened, their entire lives–never truly becoming aware of the contents of themselves.
Why does this understanding matter?
Because carrying the vibration of lack, of missing something you do not have, only perpetuates a reality that reflects that.
Shifting to the vibration of wholeness, knowing you have everything for what is simply a journey of discovery, creates an entirely different reality.
In the presence of a society that makes no sacred space for the awakening of a living being to himself, we each must create the space for that to happen on our own.
But how do you access this part of yourself?
It is not your mind that will give you access. It is moving through life with full awareness that will show you how to open the doors to what is inside.
With this shift in perspective, you can call off the “search” for that which you do not have and begin the daily practice of discovering deeper expressions of the light you have been carrying all along.